Stone of stumbling and rock of offense (wordweaverlynn) wrote,
Stone of stumbling and rock of offense

Ten Days of Meme: Days Five, Six, Seven

Ten days meme, swiped from almost everyone. Nobody said the days had to be consecutive.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you'd never done.

In general, I don't regret the things I've done, I regret the things I failed to do. I don't mean things like failing to stop and smell the roses. I've always been spontaneous. I mean failed. Procrastinated, or ruined, or screwed up. Still, I think I can come up with half a dozen genuinely regrettable decisions or activities.

1. My first sex partner. I really wish I hadn't done him. I cannot think of a single redeeming thing about that relationship.

2. This is a complicated regret. Early in our relationship, I had a dream in which I'd been married to Billy for 10 years, we had 3 kids, and I told him I didn't know what I had feared about marriage and family. It seemed like a good and encouraging dream to me, but when I told Billy the dream, he instantly froze up -- would not look at me or speak to me, ignored my words and pleas and tears, and called his parents to say he'd be coming home that weekend since his date was canceled. He didn't even say anything I went to the door. I wish to God I had left then. I didn't. I stayed and kept begging until he relented. I learned that if I expressed any doubt whatsoever or in any way acknowledged our relationship was less than perfect, he would cut me off. As long as I played along, stifled all complaints, repressed any doubts, kept all bad news to myself, he was tender and affectionate. (Most of the time.) If I had left, either he would have come back to me with a different attitude about the relationship, or else I'd have gone on without him.

3. I really, really wish I'd gone home for Thanksgiving 1996 -- I had a strong urge to do so, but it was Billy's parents' turn. I would have seen Diane again before she died.

4. Similarly, I regret not calling her when we all were together visiting my father, just after his diagnosis.

5. I wish I hadn't let myself get so deathly out of shape.

6. I wish I had handled the move west better. I should have just sold everything -- but I didn't know that then. I am still picking up the pieces.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot to me (in no order whatsoever).

Chronological order:
My sisters
[personal profile] gramina
[personal profile] housepet
[profile] abostick59 and [personal profile] wild_irises

Day Seven: Four turn offs.
I am not sure I can channel a Playboy Bunny for this one. But here are four things I can't deal with in a relationship.

A relationship where I cannot be honest
A love that shuts out the rest of the world
A partner who doesn't see the real me, who just sees their grandiose or despicable projections
A partner who won't/can't own their problems and work on them

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two words that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

NY resolution generator:
Stand tall
Make. More. Money.
Be on time.
Get jiggy wit it.
Strike up a conversation with a stranger.
Start or actually update my blog.
Create! Create! Create!
Have a garage sale.
Enjoy the outdoors.
Show gratitude.
Tags: meme/survey, ten day meme
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